Not the Same
by miley-avril
Summary: Deeks explains to Kensi why he hates it when other people shoot his gun.  Not much romance in this chapter, but if people want more I can certainly add it.
1. Explanation

**THIS IS JUST AN IDEA I CAME UP WITH WHILE WATCHING **_**DEFYING GRAVITY**_**. IT WAS A TV SHOW ON ABC, BUT THEN IT GOT CANCELEDA YEAR AND A HALF AGO. IF YOU EVER GET A CHANCE, LOOK IT UP. IT WAS REALLY GOOD.**

**DON'T OWN IT**

Deeks had thought about the conversation he had had with Kensi. He felt bad about not letting her shoot his gun. It was just one of those things that bugged him. The reason he didn't want to let her shoot his gun was because of one of his partners. She had ended up being killed because she shot his gun.

"_Deeks!" Julia screamed, panicking as the bolt refused to slide back into place. _

"_What!" He yelled back, barely managing to dodge a bullet himself._

"_It's jammed!" She yelled. Julia had ended up with his gun because hers had ran out of bullets, and Deeks was better with a knife than her. So, he gave her the gun. And now it didn't work._

"_Hold on, I'll be right there!" He yelled. The two were currently situated in a tight spot. The people who were shooting at them had big guns. They were chasing them, but fell into a trap. _Stupid Russians_, Deeks had thought. Julia couldn't wait. She risked sprinting from her safe place behind crates to go to Deeks. He stared in horror as a bullet ripped through her chest, and she went down._

"_Marty!" She cried as she took her last breath. The bullets had stopped flying for the moment, so Deeks sprinted across to fetch the gun then went back. He was able to get the bolt down, and killed all of the Russians. Sadly, Detective Julia Briatz didn't make it._

He decided that Kensi at least deserved to know why. Maybe she didn't tell him everything about her personal life and her past, but she was basically straightforward with him. She kept her past a secret because that was how she dealt with things, and that was who she was. Deeks just didn't talk about it because it hurt. It just scared him to let another female partner shoot his gun. If it was a guy, it wouldn't matter. But girls shooting his gun, that freaked him out. Kensi wasn't _exactly_ like Julia. They were similar, though, more in the way that most girl cops/agents are. Julia hated to be seen as weak, just like Kensi. Other than that, he knew they were different. Julia was more apt to ask for help. If Kensi had been the one with the jammed gun, she probably would've forced the stupid thing into place. She also wouldn't have been so stupid as to run into the middle of a firefight (or knife/firefight), but still. Kensi also wouldn't have wasted all her bullets.

He was just worried that he wouldn't be able to save Kensi, just like he had failed Julia. He also had to remind himself that Kensi is a heck of a lot tougher than Julia was, and she isn't some damsel in distress who needs to be saved. It was just hard for him.

Hesitantly, he walked up to Kensi's desk.

"Hey, Kensi?" Deeks asked, hoping she still wasn't mad.

"Yeah?" She replied, not looking from her paperwork.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Fine." She said, dropping her pen.

"Look, about my gun, I just want you to know why. And don't interrupt, please. A few years ago, I had a partner named Julia. We were in a firefight, and her gun ran out of bullets. She took mine, and in the end, she ended up getting killed." Deeks said.

"Oh. Look, I wasn't mad. I mean, I know I seemed like I was, but I was just annoyed. I felt like you didn't trust me, and I know we have that issue." She said.

"Yeah. Which is why I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go shooting, and you can use my gun. Maybe I could use yours if you wanted." Deeks suggested.

"I thought you didn't like it when other people used your gun." Kensi said, an eyebrow raising.

"It's hard. But you're not like her. Julia, well, let's just say she wasn't the most self sufficient person in the world. Really, she shouldn't have been a cop. And you're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself. I think maybe that's why I trust you. I don't have to worry about you. I also know you have my back." Deeks said. Kensi didn't know what to say. So instead, she just smiled.

**I'LL PROBABLY JUST LEAVE IT A ONE SHOT, UNLESS THERE'S LIKE A REVIEW EXPLOSION AND PEOPLE WANT MORE. **


	2. Right in Front of Me

**WELL, I COULDN'T RESIST NOT WRITING ANOTHER CHAPTER. I HAVE TO SAY, THOUGH, THAT AROUND 150 PEOPLE READ IT A DAY, AND ALREADY TODAY 16 PEOPLE HAVE READ IT, AND ITS ONLY 9:28 IN THE MORNING. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE THINKING, AND IF YOU LIKE IT. PLEASE REVIEW ****J**

**DON'T OWN IT**

While walking down to the shooting range, Kensi and Deeks cell phones went of simultaneously.

"Hey, Callen. What's up? Deeks is with me, so he's not going to answer." Kensi said. Deeks hit the ignore button.

"Okay, I'll let Sam know. We got a case. Better get in." Callen said.

"Yeah, we're already here. We were gonna shoot, but we can do that some other time. Be there in minute." Kensi said, then hung up.

"What's up?" Deeks asked.

"Got a case." Kensi said. Together, they walked back to the Ops Center. It was a short walk, and they were only half way down the hall when they got the call. This time, however, they didn't joke, knowing that something bad had happened. Together, they walked in, only seeing Hetty, Eric, and Nell.

"Where's Callen and Sam?" Deeks asked.

"They'll be here in a minute. They had left for the day." Hetty said. The five stood in comfortable silence for a few minutes, but then heard the loud footsteps of Sam coming up the stairs.

"Callen's not with you?" Kensi asked.

"No. He wanted a donut. He didn't ask me." Sam said, looking slightly angry. Everyone knew it was more of an act. Then, they heard tire squeals, and knew Callen was here.

"Isn't that how you drive?" Deeks said with a smirk on his face to Kensi.

"That's not Callen. That's my car!" Kensi said, and ran to the window with her gun. She could just make out the tail end of it.

"Crap!" She yelled, running down for Sam's car.

"Wait, why are you taking mine?" He blurted, running after her.

"Yours is faster than Deeks'. I'm driving." She said, grabbing the keys from Sam's hand.

"Eric, do you have a location on her car?" Sam asked, holding onto the handle for dear life. Kensi's driving was a little more reckless than his, which he didn't know. _Remind me not to take her car_. Sam thought to himself. Deeks was close behind, and they soon apprehended the offender.

"That was my car. Why'd you take it?" Kensi asked from the interrogation room.

"It was cool." The criminal, Joe Bellay, shrugged.

"It's not cool in jail." Kensi said, then got up to let Sam and Callen, who had now arrived after hearing about a car chase on the news, take Bellay to LAPD.

OPS ROOM…...

Now that everyone was situated and cars were back to their proper owners, they could finally start.

"Elio Arneli is a wanted murderer. He is also part of a drug cartel, which is one of the best in the world. One of the victims of his was Detective Julia Briatz." Hetty said. Kensi's head snapped over to Deeks at the mention of his old partner's name.

"Deeks?" Callen asked, not missing Kensi and Deek's silent communication.

"She used to be my partner. She was killed in the line of duty. Gun jammed, and she got shot." Deeks said, not venturing too far into detail. They stared up at the face of Julia Briatz, her long, curly brown hair going to her mid-back, and her brown eyes twinkling. She looked a lot like Kensi.

"Deeks if you need to sit this one out…" Callen said, knowing how hard it was to lose a partner, especially when you have to investigate said partner's murderer.

"No, I'm fine. What did he do now?" Deeks asked.

"Actually, guys, he was thought to be dead. It was his twin brother you killed, Deeks, not him. That's why Elio's not dead. Apparently, he's a Russian Army commander, and a good one, except he went rogue. Now, he works for himself. Hetty, why are we getting this now?" Eric said, making Deeks' jaw drop, and fury shine in his eyes.

"He just slipped back on the radar. Would you happen to know why LAPD is just handing this case over to us, Mr. Deeks?" Hetty asked.

"Julia wasn't exactly a favorite. I mean, people liked her, they just didn't really think she could do her job. They probably don't want to be associated with her anymore. There was actually a little party the night she died." Deeks said, and they could see the disgust on his face at the thought of someone _celebrating_ his partner's death.

"Typical. Probably big guys like Sam, right? But don't act like Sam." Kensi scoffed.

"Uh, yeah, actually." Deeks said, remembering his old team.

"So what you're saying, Mr. Deeks, is that they don't want to have the chance to prove that she died a hero." Hetty said.

"Yeah. Guys, I want to prove that she is a hero." Deeks said.

"I'm on board with it." Kensi said.

"Sure." Callen said after a moment. Sam nodded his head.

"Alright, go to it." Hetty said, shooing them off.

2 DAYS LATER…...

Elio Arneli had managed to slip back under the radar, so they had ran out of leads. The team was sitting at their desks, hoping to find a lead.

"Guys! 214 Chagalong Bay! He'll be there for the next half an hour!" Eric yelled, knowing that they needed to get there as fast as they could.

"Kensi and Deeks go." Callen said, knowing Deeks needed this for him to let Julia go and trust Kensi more. Deeks was looking slightly nervous as he drove.

"Deeks, it's gonna be fine." Kensi said.

"It's the same place, Kensi." Deeks said, shooting a worried glance her way. After a moment, she said, rather forcefully,

"Give me your gun."

"What?" Deeks said incredulously.

"You know what I said. Hand it over, you take mine." She said.

"Kensi, that's crazy." He said, shaking his hand.

"Deeks, give it." She said, not budging.

"Fine. But I'm not using yours." He sighed, handing it over.

"Hey-" She started, but was cut off.

"I didn't mean it like that. I have to use a knife." Deeks said.

"And you thought that _my_ idea was stupid?" Kensi shot back.

"Look, I know what Callen's doing. Trust me, Kensi." Deeks said, looking into her eyes. She nodded.

"We're here." She said, and they got out. They ran around to the crates, and Deeks was having trouble keeping the flashbacks out of his head. There was a shot, and he knew it was about to begin. After two minutes, he heard Kensi quietly say 'crap.' He saw her struggling with the bolt. Deeks felt like he was going to break down. How could he have been such an idiot to not even come with her gun holstered to him? Now she was gonna die, too, and there was nothing he could do. There was a shot near him, and he looked over, dreading what he'd see. Instead, he saw Kensi firing in rapid succession at Elio Arneli, who kept ducking behind boxes. She didn't waste her bullets, or panic, but fired when she should, ducked when she should. Deeks thought it was almost graceful. He kept his eyes squeezed shut, willing the flashbacks to go away. Instead of seeing Kensi, he saw Julia, not that there was much of a difference. Suddenly there was a really loud shot, and he opened his eyes to see 7 other men, all with really, _really_ big guns, shooting at Kensi. She took them out with quick precision. She walked over to Deeks, who was sitting against the crate with his eyes closed.

"You okay?" She asked, concern laced in her voice.

"Are _you_ okay?" He asked, not bothering to open his eyes.

"Deeks, I'm fine. You're the one sitting there with his eyes closed after a firefight. Just want to make sure you're not dead." Only then did he open his eyes. Something in the way Kensi said that, he just knew it wasn't Julia.

"You're okay. How? What happened?" Deeks stuttered.

"They're all dead. You should probably go see for yourself, though." Kensi said, putting her hand out to help him up.

"Not yet." He said, refusing her hand.

"Fine, I'll sit with you." Kensi said, sitting down next to him. Callen and Sam pulled up behind them, and could tell they were fine. They were just having one of their _moments_ where they needed to talk. Sam couldn't help himself, so he rolled down a window to listen.

"Kensi, I need to know. The last thing I remember is the gun jamming." Deeks said, looking so confused and hurt, Kensi wanted nothing more than to just hug him, but she resisted that urge. That wouldn't help their situation.

"Yeah, the gun jammed." Kensi said.

"How'd you get it to get unjammed?" He asked.

"I forced it down." She said simply.

"When that thing jams, it's hard to get the bolt to go down. I mean, _really_ hard." Deeks said.

"I'm not Julia, Deeks. You need to remember that. And get a new gun, maybe." She said. Deeks chuckled at that.

"Yeah, I know you're not. You do look a lot like her." Deeks said.

"Is that good or bad?" Kensi said, then laughed a little.

"Neutral. You're great, she was great, you just look alike." He said.

"I'm serious about a new gun, Deeks. If that thing jams and you don't have the time to unjam it, you're screwed. And dead." Kensi said.

"I know. But hey, if you got it to work, anyone could." He said. At that moment, he forgot about Julia. He realized he needed to work in the present, and right now, he had Kensi.

"Hey! I'm stronger than I look!" She said, playfully punching his arm.

"Ow! I know, I'm just saying. You're so little, though." Deeks said, laughing and rubbing his arm.

"I'm 5' 9", Deeks. Not really." Kensi said, and laughed, too despite her attempts not too. They got up and were half surprised to see Callen and Sam, though not that surprised.

"Were you listening?" Deeks asked, still smiling from the conversation.

"Yeah, sorry. It was Sam's idea." Callen said.

"I couldn't resist. By the way, _Hetty's_ little. Ever been punched by Kensi?" Sam asked, remembering one of Kensi's first days at NCIS. He had made her really mad, and had definitely paid.

"Only playfully." Deeks said, looking around at all the bodies.

"Well, you don't want to be when she's mad." Sam said, getting out of the car so that he could help get them back to NCIS for autopsies.

"I remember that! Kensi, Deeks, go back. Actually, I'm giving you the rest of the day off. But you have to spend it together." Callen said.

THE BEACH, 4 HOURS LATER…...

Kensi and Deeks had decided to take a walk on the beach. It was perfect weather.

"Thanks." Deeks said.

"For what?" Kensi asked.

"Making me move on."

"You did it, not me."

"Actually, you did. You forced me to give my gun to you, to face my fear. You also proved to me that just cause I'm partnered with a girl, it doesn't make her Julia." Deeks said.

"I didn't force you to give me the gun. I told you to. You could've chosen not to."

"No, really, you did. Kensi, just accept that you fixed me. And my gun, I took it out to shoot a few hours ago, and it hasn't jammed since." He said. They laughed, and walked in silence for a few more minutes.

**HOW DID YOU LIKE IT? THIS IS THE LONGEST CHAPTER I'VE EVER WRITTEN FOR ANY OF MY STORIES. PLEASE REVIEW, I REALLY WANT TO KNOW. THIS WILL PROBABLY BE THE LAST CHAPTER UNLESS YOU GUYS REVIEW, AND THIS TIME I MEAN IT. J**


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